The following post, “Winning Starts with Losing- The Truth Behind Success,” contains Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon affiliate, I earn a commission on qualifying purchases.
Winning and losing feel like contradictory concepts. Winners hold their heads up high, proud and accomplished. Possibly touting an award, medal, or other hardware symbolizing triumph. Meanwhile losers hang their heads dejected, drowned in defeat. Tears down their faces. Or at least that represents how one typically perceives winning and losing. Yet winners could testify that the two interlock. To the point you could argue winning starts with losing.
A great testament to the argument winning starts with losing exists in the book Winning is for Losers!: How to Use Positive Thinking and the Gift of Fear to Succeed in Life, Love, and Business by Deante Young. Within the book Young interviews multiple successful people, or in another word winners. His questions break through the “triumphant” façade and delves into enduring failures, facing fears, and overcoming challenges. In the process, exposing the truth winning starts with taking the L.
Understanding this truth proves especially important to those with cerebral palsy (CP). Seeing how the disability creates additional adversity most people will never know. To make the conversation more relatable to the CP community, I thought I would answer some questions Young asked in his book.
Yes, I know that might seem like I am arrogantly championing myself as successful. Perhaps I should step back and allow my credentials to provide that proof. Whether recognition as a top disability blogger, making front page headlines (for positive reasons) or the multiple five-star reviews given to my books Off Balanced and Slow and Cerebral by readers, the accolades support the claim I am a winner.
Again though, winning starts with losing. That fact will hopefully become clearer while Young “interviews” me via Winning is for Losers! Through today’s post I aim to not only share helpful insights on winning and losing, but also enable you to get a feel for Young’s book’s vibe. Maybe afterwards you will even read Winning is for Losers! yourself.
For anyone wondering, I did obtain Young’s approval to write and publish this post. So, let us get started!
Young (via Winning is for Losers!): Based on your life experiences, how important has failure been to your success?
Me: I would say failure has been essential to my success, providing my life direction. Earlier in giving my credentials as to why I am a winner, I noted the five-star reviews readers gave my books Off Balanced and Slow and Cerebral. Each book deals with my firsthand experiences living with CP. Off Balanced, first published in December of 2011, dives into my emotional journey from embarrassment over being different to learning to embrace my differences as part of who I am. Meanwhile Slow and Cerebral, published in April of 2022, details how I did not let my CP stop me from walking 26.2 miles to become a marathoner.
Now in-between Off Balanced and Slow and Cerebral I published Rock Realities, a book featuring articles I wrote based off interviews I did with various independent musicians. Rock Realities came out in December 2015. Honestly, calling Rock Realities a failure feels like an understatement. I just checked my Kindle Direct Publishing dashboard and to date the book sold a whopping six copies in eight-plus years.
All this despite earnest marketing efforts. Rather than loathing disappointment and frustration, I let the failure give me direction. I realized, with assistance from my friend James, I possess a unique voice in the CP community. A voice unavailable elsewhere. I went on to refocus my writing and fully adopt a moniker James came up with for me, “The Cerebral Palsy Vigilante.” Interestingly enough by late 2017 and into 2018, I started receiving recognition as a cerebral palsy/disability blogger you should know. Certainly, no coincidence.
Young (via Winning is for Losers!): What experience comes to mind when you were afraid to try something because you lacked self-belief? I know many of us believe that we have to have confidence, but I think courage is more important than confidence.
Me: I must admit I remained hesitant about pursuing a marathon. I just did not see how someone who walks the way I walk, fatigues faster than most, and deals with less than stellar balance, could walk 26.2 consecutive miles. In fact, after completing my first half marathon in October of 2016 I felt I reached my physical peak, my grand achievement.
Thankfully, one person believed otherwise. The same friend who helped me come up with “The CP Vigilante” moniker, James. Seemingly every time I talked to him after completing the half marathon, James would ask, “When are you going to do a full marathon?” Finally, thinking I could get him to back off, I responded, “I’ll do a full marathon if you do it with me.” He said “Okay,” went as far as registering for the Towpath Marathon, and suddenly I am training for a full marathon. All despite my initial lack of self-belief.
Looking back, I am incredibly grateful for James stepping to the challenge, literally, and completing the marathon with me. Becoming a marathoner gave me a huge confidence boost. Like if I can walk 26.2 miles, I can do anything. This gets us to your point Deante about confidence and courage. Through James providing that positive peer pressure, I had to summon the courage to go after that massive marathon goal. Eventually leading me to gain greater confidence.
With that said, I believe the question becomes how do you get the courage so you can become confident? In my opinion that is where another C word comes into play, craftiness. You get crafty, putting together a plan. Talking to others who have done what you want to do helps tremendously. Garnering insights from a few marathoners enabled me to develop a marathon training plan I could feel confident in.
Young (via Winning is for Losers!): Winning usually requires a lot of trial and error. On your own personal journey so far, what were some of your biggest challenges to get where you are now?
Me: Getting okay asking for help or accommodations was a big challenge. The trial and error I experienced with that extends back to my teenage years. At the time I badly desired to blend in and be like everyone else. So, I did my best to hide my disability which often involved not talking about my CP.
In retrospect, I realized that attitude created a barrier to friendship, happiness, and ultimately success. A story I recall in Off Balanced involves going to the Cleveland Auto Show in the early 2000s. Back then, cellphones were not exactly common devices. Meaning if I became separated from my friends, finding them again would have been a challenge. Since the two moved faster than me, I spent the afternoon focused on keeping up with them. Preventing me from truly enjoying the auto show’s offerings. All that could have been different had I just spoken up and said, “Hey guys! Could we slow down a little?”
Once I became okay with speaking up and asking for help, opportunities for success began to unfold. Regarding my marathon accomplishment, I did the math and identified at the pace I move, I would need more than the officially allotted time to finish. So, I contacted those who organized the Towpath Marathon and asked about starting early. Essentially you could say I am a marathoner because I was willing to ask for help.
Young (via Winning is for Losers!): What advice would you give someone who is afraid to try because they are afraid to fail?
Me: Remember winning starts with failure. The gigantic flop that was Rock Realities allowed me to commit to becoming “The CP Vigilante.” Growing up, those moments like the auto show where I let my desire to “blend in” with everyone else silence me, eventually compounded into enough regrets to compel me to change. All the “What ifs?” haunting me. Convincing me to shed my timid nature and become outgoing.
Rather than fearing failure, embrace failing. Try, fail, analyze the failure, find a lesson to takeaway, and try again. Over and over. As long as you continue to learn, there exists no reason to fear failure.
Or at least those are my insights. You could see how others answered the above questions by checking out Winning is For Losers!: How to Use Positive Thinking and the Gift of Fear to Succeed in Life, Love, and Business.
Until next time, remember. Don’t blend in. Blend out!
-Zachary
